By Fr. Glenn Jones:
What is it that tends to consume us so mightily? It is why we seek the most expensive things, the richest clothing, flaunt the flashiest jewelry, buy the fanciest car, possess the most magnificent residence that we can possibly obtain … even to the point of going into crippling and self-destructive debt and behavior in doing so. Why post infinite selfies on social media and constant attempts at gleaning attention for ourselves. Why the thirsty ear for juicy gossip and information to hurriedly spread throughout our circle of acquaintances?
Simply so that we might be admired.
Do you ever wonder about that … why we are so concerned with admiration and praise? After all, in most cases, what does it really benefit us? We work hard to acquire things we can’t keep to impress people we don’t know.
Some of this is certainly the primordial inclination to seek the most advantageous mate to carry on our genetic line. Because beauty is very often linked to health and strength, we tend to be drawn to it as instinctively indicative of better chances to successfully raise progeny. So … billions into beauty products, gyms and equipment, plastic surgeries, Botox, etc. Women, conditioned for millennia, tend towards men of strength and daring and material success to provide for and protect them and their children; after all, who would want a mate who flees as soon as a wolf darkens the cave entrance, leaving her and the kids to be lupine luncheon? On the flip side, you ladies know that guys love beauty—an instinctive sign of health for successfully bearing and carrying on his genetic line. Do we not see this in animals as well? Whoever has ever watched male birds displaying to try to win over a female, or bulls battling in a pasture to win the right to the cows, will recognize similarities to ourselves—preening, strutting, posturing … threatening, etc.
Other examples include politicians wanting to be admired to get votes, businessmen to attract more business, workers to rise in their careers. Yet, more commonly day-to-day, we want people to admire us simply to be admired, even when the admirers can work for us no advantage. Ah … vanity, O vanity.
Admiration is not bad in itself, but it certainly (and often) is when it is self-glorifying vanity. We rightly admire great figures of history who stood for principle and integrity, for virtue and advancing the welfare of others; after all, Jesus Himself is one of, if not the most, admired figure and emulated figure in all history. He has led innumerable virtuous men and women to have dedicated their lives to feeding the poor, caring for the sick and the elderly, etc., in emulation of Him. But He (and they) didn’t go crowing of their achievements, seeking honors and accolades; in fact, generally the opposite. Jesus would hide from the crowds that wanted to glorify Him and spend whole nights in humble prayer. Likewise, many of the most heroic workers of charity are totally unknown to the world … and prefer it that way.
Even in purely secular circles, are not persons who demonstrate kindness and love, generosity and graciousness, humility and service, the most admired? Yes, we posture using material things or braggadocio, but most of us know ourselves well enough to realize whether we are putting on a show … lying to ourselves and to the world. If only a show, does not that diminish us even more so?
We might turn to St. Paul, who writes of qualifications of clergy and wives, but the virtues he lists are what are “admire-able” in all persons, man or woman: “… a bishop must be above reproach … temperate, sensible, dignified, hospitable, an apt teacher, no drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, and no lover of money … Deacons likewise must be serious, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for gain; they must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience … The women likewise must be serious, no slanderers, but temperate, faithful in all things.” (1 Timothy 3:2-11) Of course, Paul writes of virtues elsewhere as well, one of the best known excerpts being: “ … whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
Of what real worth is it to be admired for something that we know is untrue? Is not the seeking of false admiration rather tacit self-condemnation? … an admission that we could not attain in a legitimate way that for which we are honored? That we are frauds? Is it not better and more rewarding to be sincere with ourselves … to simply serve others humbly and do good rather than to seek undeserved honors and admiration? Do we not find others who cheat and lie for admiration all the more contemptible? An example of such is “stolen valor” we see in news stories—those who claim to be war heroes and wear uniforms emblazoned with medals though in reality they had never even served in the military.
Vanity—the seeking of false admiration—breeds discontentment, leading into a cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction with self and requiring a web of lies to retain that admiration, or at least to not be disgraced. So let us live in the security of humble service and the striving for ever-greater virtue, not seeking admiration and acclaim, but rather confident in the knowledge that nothing that we do or say goes unnoticed, and “… the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done.” (Matthew 16:12)
Rev. Glenn Jones is the Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Santa Fe and former pastor of Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church in Los Alamos.